By Martin Rots

    Imagine music without Buffalo Springfield or Crosby, Stills and Nash and sometimes Young, but often not. CSN wouldn't have been "scared shitless" at Woodstock and Neil Young would have no worthy antagonist in this lifetime. Stephen Stills auditioned for the Monkees in 1966, but was turned down because of thinning hair and less than perfect teeth. In short, he wasn't pretty enough. In later years, Stills said he was unwilling to sign away his publishing rights as a condition of employment. When negotiations fell apart, Stills recommended a friend from his Greenwich Village days, Peter Thorkelson. Peter was put under contract and became Monkee, Peter Tork. Danny Hutton, later of Three Dog Night, Harry Nilsson and Paul Williams all auditioned to be Monkees without success.
    An often repeated urban legend has Charles Manson auditioning for the Monkees in late 1965. The story's beginnings go back to LA disc jockey, Rodney Bingenheimer. He told it so often even he started to believe it. The big problem with the Manson/Monkees connection was that Charlie was in a federal prison at the time and it was unlikely they excused him for auditions.

    For a moment though, let's suppose Manson wasn't in prison and made the final cut with Stills, Williams and Nilsson as the Monkees. What a TV show that could have been, that zany Charlie contributing to the fun and mayhem, trading one liners with Stephen Stills. The diminutive Williams cracking wise with Nilsson who is doing his best Dean Martin imitation. Can't you see the boys heading down to the beach in the Monkeemobile for a day of excitement?  Surfing and carving swastikas into the foreheads of teenage girls set to music. Drinking Brandy Alexanders until you've got one foot in the grave.

    We're talking big fun here.

    When our imaginary Monkees called it quits, Stills and Manson formed Crosby, Stills and Manson with David Crosby. That would have put a whole new twist on things. Charlie would have given the band more of an edge than Graham Nash and changed the whole sound. None of that sensitive bullshit. Charlie wrote songs about revolution and pigs in the contemporary, street vernacular.

    Besides, he made Stills look good, what with his bad teeth and all.

    It's still fun to think about the possibilities. Maybe Charlie would have never gone down the road he ultimately chose if he'd become a rock star. He was hanging with Dennis Wilson from the Beach Boys and Terry Melcher before he crossed over to the dark side. The Manson family was looking for Melcher the night Sharon Tate and the others died. Perhaps, music might have redeemed Charlie's soul and saved some lives in the bargain.

    At Dennis Wilson's insistence, The Beach Boys recorded Manson's song, Never Learn Not to Love for their 20/20 album, released in 1969. It was as close to the big time the real Manson ever got. Imagine if our mythical, disillusioned Charlie left CSM to join the Beach Boys in the early eighties. Picture Charlie at seventy, Hawaiian shirt, eyes popping out of his head, harmonizing with Mike Love on Fun, Fun, Fun in front of a state fair audience somewhere in the middle of the American heartland.

    It's enough to give you nightmares.

To learn more:

http://www.gibson.com/en-us/Lifestyle/Features/rockandrollbizarroworldw/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/20/20_(The_Beach_Boys_album)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkees